So drunk its hurt
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Randomize
