There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
