Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
