Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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