Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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