question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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