Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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