i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
