one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
MIDGETS
????
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
