god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
