i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Randomize
