WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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