Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
