OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
