The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
