you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
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