Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
