I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize