But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
Randomize
