The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
the liver wants what the liver wants
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
