i just wanna soil my oats bro
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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