Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
