I bet he comes in French.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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