at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
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