you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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