A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize