I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize