If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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