Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
