I puked a lego.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
