Im at strip club and am horny
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
