I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
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