I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
