I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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