I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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