I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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