I didn't shave. On purpose
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
