areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
