I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
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