I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize