I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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