I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
