his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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