Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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