it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
