then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
