Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Randomize
