i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I understand Curling. That high.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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