i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
