Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize