I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
You are the jesus of drinking
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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