THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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