We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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