So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
