well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
