I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
