North Korea, Best Korea!
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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