I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
