You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
