i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Holy shit dude........stairs
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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