If that was your dad, he is hot
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
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