K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
