id be glad to
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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