i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
