my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
Randomize