Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
