Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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