hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
It was a blind-side dick pic.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
