On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
