Im at strip club and am horny
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
