Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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