East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
