Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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