Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize