when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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