no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
