I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Randomize
