Heybabeimwearingurpanties
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
