I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
barbara walters just said penis...
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
